I T ' S   A U G U S T   A N D   I ' M   S I T T I N G   B Y   A   S T R E A M  in a one-piece bathing suit, black, gym shorts to hide my speckled thighs. To my left, my right, beneath my skin are boulders, behind my back is the forest, endless, quiet. I can't believe the moment; the clarity of the water, tiny waterfalls, silence, and him. We waded downstream for an hour treading time, no question in my mind, I was surely in love.

If I'd known that many Augusts would pass without him, my smile would not have been so bright. I wouldn't have held tight, and I wouldn't have asked so many questions that I still remember the answers to, and what can I do with them? Here he was in a dream, there he is on the street I think, but each time I'm wrong. I look everywhere, everywhere, every day becomes a slow lesson that we would never return to those fields, that stream and the mountain we climbed and saw the earth for miles. Driving through the forest he turned on the radio and played a song I can't release, as headlights sprayed the trees and I imagined many more nights just the same…


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